portal janitor
free alien goo cleanup arcade · browser
what is portal janitor?
Portal Janitor is a free comedy arcade game you play right in your browser. You are Greg, the interdimensional custodian, and your boss's rival — the reckless Dr. Mayhem — keeps ripping open portals and gooing entire worlds. A toaster planet. A pickle supermarket. A jungle. A highway. Every time he opens a portal he leaves behind a mess of glowing radioactive goo, scattered space junk, and broken props, and cleaning it up is, naturally, your problem.
Your job each shift is simple to say and chaotic to do: laser the space junk into scrap, switch to the vacuum and suck up the goo and debris, then mop every sector spotless — all before the radiation meter fills and ends your shift. Let it fill and Dr. Mayhem files a complaint, the sector resets, and you mop it all again. It's day 847. The stains scream. You no longer answer.
how to play
There's no download, no install, and no account — tap play and you're cleaning within seconds, on desktop or mobile. Move Greg around the mess, deal with everything Mayhem left behind, and clear each sector's filth before the radiation meter fills. Fire the laser to blast junk and props apart, then switch to the vacuum to suck up the goo and the debris that's left.
controls
- Move: W A S D or the arrow keys on desktop; the on-screen joystick on the left on mobile.
- Laser: J, Z, or Ctrl on desktop; the laser button on the right on mobile — blast space junk and props into scrap.
- Vacuum: K, X, or Space on desktop; the vacuum button on the right on mobile — suck up the glowing goo and leftover debris.
- Sound: tap the speaker icon in the top-right corner to mute or unmute.
tips & tricks
- Laser first, vacuum second. Big junk and props need to be lasered into smaller scrap before the vacuum can pull them in — clearing the room in that order is far faster.
- Watch the radiation meter, not the clock. The meter is what actually ends your shift. If it's creeping up, prioritise the biggest goo splats, which raise it fastest.
- Keep moving. Standing in fresh goo is a bad idea. Circle the sector and clean in a loop instead of backtracking.
- Each sector has its own trick. The five hand-built sectors — from the toaster planet to the highway — each lay out their goo, junk, and hazards differently, so read the room before you dive in.
- Turn the sound on. The live-synthesised audio and unhinged commentary are half the joke — and the sound cues help you track what still needs cleaning.
features
- Five hand-built sectors of Dr. Mayhem's mess, each with its own goo, junk, and running commentary.
- A radiation meter racing you to the end of every shift — clock out a hero or mop it all again.
- Full support for keyboard (WASD + laser/vacuum) on desktop and touch controls on mobile.
- Every frame is drawn in code and every sound is synthesised live — there isn't a single image file in the whole game.
- 100% free, no install, no account — it runs in any modern browser.
frequently asked questions
Is Portal Janitor free to play?
Yes — Portal Janitor is completely free to play in your browser. There's no purchase, no subscription, and no paywall to reach the fun.
Do I need to download or install anything?
No. Portal Janitor runs entirely in your web browser. There's nothing to download and no account to create — just open the play page and start cleaning.
Can I play Portal Janitor on mobile?
Yes. The game works on both desktop and mobile. On phones and tablets you get an on-screen joystick plus laser and vacuum buttons; on desktop you can use WASD or the arrow keys.
How many levels does it have?
There are five hand-built sectors, each with its own layout of goo, junk, hazards, and commentary. Clear a sector before the radiation meter fills to move on.
How do I clean up the goo?
Switch to the vacuum and hold it over the glowing radioactive goo to suck it up. Larger junk usually needs to be lasered into scrap first, then vacuumed.
Who made Portal Janitor?
It's made by brainrotlabs, a tiny independent studio. Every frame is drawn in code and every sound is synthesised live in the browser. Read more about the studio.